1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,671
Hey, Jake, why don't you tell Grandma
about your spring break.

2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:06,798
- Bad idea.
- What?

3
00:00:06,965 --> 00:00:10,469
Nothing. I just saw that they're moving
the L.A. Gardening Exposition...

4
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:15,766
...to the Convention Center,
which I think is a very bad idea.

5
00:00:15,974 --> 00:00:19,019
Thanks for the update.
Go ahead, Jake, tell Grandma.

6
00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:21,605
- It was really cool, l...
- Hang on a second, Jake.

7
00:00:21,772 --> 00:00:25,317
I'm not sure you understand
how serious this gardening thing is.

8
00:00:25,484 --> 00:00:28,028
It's a really bad idea.

9
00:00:28,237 --> 00:00:30,113
I get it. Bad idea.

10
00:00:30,322 --> 00:00:31,990
Go ahead, Jake.

11
00:00:32,991 --> 00:00:35,035
I went camping
with Grandma and Grandpa.

12
00:00:35,202 --> 00:00:37,496
We slept in a tent,
we cooked on an open fire.

13
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:39,373
And we went hiking and saw a bear.

14
00:00:39,581 --> 00:00:42,793
You let him spend an entire vacation
with his other grandparents...

15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,753
...and I haven't had him for a night?

16
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:47,297
Oh, bad idea.

17
00:01:15,208 --> 00:01:17,543
This is unfair and unacceptable.

18
00:01:17,710 --> 00:01:19,754
From the moment
that boy was born...

19
00:01:19,921 --> 00:01:22,632
...Judith's parents squeezed me out.
And you let them.

20
00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:24,467
Interesting point.

21
00:01:24,675 --> 00:01:26,594
Excuse me, Mom,
but when Jake was born...

22
00:01:26,761 --> 00:01:29,597
...Judith's mother stayed with us,
cooking and cleaning...

23
00:01:29,764 --> 00:01:32,683
...and taking care of him.
- Valid counterpoint.

24
00:01:32,892 --> 00:01:36,145
Exactly. She's a pushy, pushy woman.

25
00:01:36,354 --> 00:01:38,397
Personal opinion.

26
00:01:38,606 --> 00:01:40,483
No, no. You went on a cruise.

27
00:01:40,691 --> 00:01:42,860
But Judith was two days late.

28
00:01:43,027 --> 00:01:45,154
And I had nonrefundable reservations.

29
00:01:45,321 --> 00:01:48,115
Like it would have killed her
to get a C-section.

30
00:01:50,618 --> 00:01:53,329
Self-obsessed psychotic rant.

31
00:01:53,538 --> 00:01:56,832
- Mom, are you listening to yourself?
- Stupid question.

32
00:01:59,502 --> 00:02:01,504
Awkward silence.

33
00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:05,591
You wanna spend more time
with your grandson, he's right here.

34
00:02:05,758 --> 00:02:08,594
No. He goes to visit
his other grandparents.

35
00:02:08,761 --> 00:02:10,179
He should come to visit me.

36
00:02:10,388 --> 00:02:13,724
- So you wanna spend a week with him?
- A week?

37
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:16,852
Alan, I do have a life.

38
00:02:17,895 --> 00:02:20,189
I'm confused.
What exactly do you want?

39
00:02:20,398 --> 00:02:24,610
The same quality time Jake spends
with his other grandparents.

40
00:02:24,777 --> 00:02:26,195
But, you know, less.

41
00:02:27,697 --> 00:02:31,033
I'll tell you what. Bring him
to my place around 6-ish tonight.

42
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,536
I'll make him dinner,
we'll have a fun sleepover.

43
00:02:33,744 --> 00:02:36,330
- Gee, Mom, I don't know.
- Well, why not?

44
00:02:36,497 --> 00:02:40,710
Are you afraid one night with me
will irreparably damage him?

45
00:02:46,549 --> 00:02:47,883
- Yeah.
- A little.

46
00:02:48,467 --> 00:02:52,388
Excuse me. I didn't hear any complaints
when I was raising you two.

47
00:02:52,596 --> 00:02:56,892
The teenage drinking and constant
running away wasn't a slight tip-off?

48
00:02:57,101 --> 00:03:00,980
Oh, you were just
a little drama queen, Charlie.

49
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:03,399
And let's not forget,
you always came back.

50
00:03:03,607 --> 00:03:06,777
Kind of hard to find steady work
when you're 9.

51
00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:09,655
Whatever. My place, 6-ish.

52
00:03:17,663 --> 00:03:22,126
Judith! I can't just leave him with you
without discussing it with his mother.

53
00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:25,671
Are you telling me you need to get
your ex-wife's approval...

54
00:03:25,838 --> 00:03:28,758
...to let your own son spend time
with your own mother?

55
00:03:28,966 --> 00:03:30,593
He had a really bad lawyer.

56
00:03:34,138 --> 00:03:37,725
You know what your problem is, Alan.
You let women walk all over you.

57
00:03:37,892 --> 00:03:40,061
You get that from your father.

58
00:03:41,729 --> 00:03:44,690
Well, nevertheless,
I still have to clear it with Judith.

59
00:03:44,899 --> 00:03:47,193
- Well, fine, call her.
- Right now?

60
00:03:47,985 --> 00:03:50,988
Well, why not?
Unless you'd rather I make the call.

61
00:04:02,541 --> 00:04:07,671
Probably not home. I'll just...
I'll leave a message.

62
00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:12,259
Yeah. Hi, Judith.

63
00:04:12,426 --> 00:04:15,012
Listen, it's Alan.
Call me back when you get a chance.

64
00:04:21,769 --> 00:04:27,650
Hello? Oh, hi, Judith,
you old call-screener, you.

65
00:04:28,192 --> 00:04:30,569
Listen, I just wanted
to run something past you.

66
00:04:30,778 --> 00:04:34,657
Jake was telling my mom about
the fun time he had with your parents...

67
00:04:34,824 --> 00:04:37,034
...and she thought that...

68
00:04:37,576 --> 00:04:40,412
What do you mean, "no"?
I haven't even asked yet.

69
00:04:41,330 --> 00:04:43,582
Oh, really?
Well, I've got news for you, lady.

70
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:46,001
You can't say no,
she's his grandmother.

71
00:04:47,336 --> 00:04:49,672
Well, she may be that too...

72
00:04:49,839 --> 00:04:53,425
...but she's still his grandmother
and this is my weekend with him.

73
00:04:54,176 --> 00:04:56,095
Charlie and I turned out fine.

74
00:04:56,303 --> 00:04:58,472
We did too.

75
00:04:58,889 --> 00:05:01,308
Look, he's going, and that's that.

76
00:05:01,475 --> 00:05:02,852
All right then, goodbye.

77
00:05:03,811 --> 00:05:06,021
- It's settled. He'll be there at 6.
- Thank you.

78
00:05:07,606 --> 00:05:09,775
Of course, it is rather short notice.

79
00:05:09,984 --> 00:05:13,988
- Mom!
- Okay. Fine.

80
00:05:14,154 --> 00:05:16,574
But don't get used to this.

81
00:05:16,865 --> 00:05:19,201
I'm not your full-time babysitter.

82
00:05:24,164 --> 00:05:26,041
I played that wrong, didn't I?

83
00:05:26,208 --> 00:05:29,461
No, no. You called mom's bluff
and you stood up to your ex-wife.

84
00:05:29,628 --> 00:05:32,047
You maintained your self-respect,
I'm proud of you.

85
00:05:32,631 --> 00:05:35,175
- Yeah, but what about Jake?
- Oh, Jake.

86
00:05:35,342 --> 00:05:37,261
Jake's screwed.

87
00:05:40,889 --> 00:05:45,185
This has been the greatest day of
my life. Movies, laser tag, video arcade.

88
00:05:45,352 --> 00:05:48,355
Well, that's good.
I wanted today to be special.

89
00:05:48,564 --> 00:05:53,235
- How come?
- Just because I love you.

90
00:05:53,444 --> 00:05:55,112
I love you too, Dad.

91
00:05:55,279 --> 00:05:57,906
You know how people say
you can't buy love?

92
00:05:58,073 --> 00:05:59,742
I think they're wrong.

93
00:06:01,285 --> 00:06:02,995
You hold on to that sentiment.

94
00:06:03,203 --> 00:06:06,081
What's the plan for tonight?
Is it gonna be special too?

95
00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:08,417
Oh, God, I can't watch this.

96
00:06:10,044 --> 00:06:12,588
- What?
- Nothing.

97
00:06:12,755 --> 00:06:14,757
Oh, hey, here's $20.

98
00:06:16,383 --> 00:06:17,926
Wow, thanks.

99
00:06:18,135 --> 00:06:22,681
- You're spending tonight at Grandma's.
- Great. Wait, what?

100
00:06:23,515 --> 00:06:25,059
You're gonna have lots of fun.

101
00:06:25,225 --> 00:06:27,936
- Right, Charlie?
- This is the first I'm hearing of it.

102
00:06:29,772 --> 00:06:32,441
I don't want to go to Grandma's.
Here, take your money.

103
00:06:33,650 --> 00:06:35,652
Come on, buddy.
She loves you very much.

104
00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:37,363
And it's just for one night.

105
00:06:37,821 --> 00:06:40,824
But we were having so much fun.

106
00:06:41,033 --> 00:06:44,286
Think it through, Jake.
Why were you having so much fun?

107
00:06:45,954 --> 00:06:48,832
- You tricked me.
- Attaboy.

108
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,627
What did I ever do to you?

109
00:06:53,045 --> 00:06:54,838
It's not a punishment.

110
00:06:55,047 --> 00:06:56,882
It's not a prize.

111
00:06:57,549 --> 00:07:00,177
- I'm calling Mom.
- No. No, no calling Mom.

112
00:07:00,385 --> 00:07:02,846
I know my rights. I get one phone call.

113
00:07:03,889 --> 00:07:07,476
- I've already told your mother.
- She agreed?

114
00:07:08,185 --> 00:07:10,312
She knows about it.

115
00:07:10,479 --> 00:07:12,856
Uncle Charlie,
can you get me out of this?

116
00:07:13,023 --> 00:07:16,568
It depends. Are you willing to live
in Mexico for a few years?

117
00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:21,990
Jake, please. Do it as a favor
to your grandmother, who loves you.

118
00:07:22,533 --> 00:07:24,034
For me. For Uncle Charlie.

119
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:27,663
But most of all, for me.

120
00:07:28,956 --> 00:07:30,624
What do I get?

121
00:07:31,166 --> 00:07:34,044
What do you mean?
I spent a fortune on you today.

122
00:07:34,253 --> 00:07:37,339
That was because you love me.
Now you need me.

123
00:07:38,715 --> 00:07:41,718
Oh, God, this is a great kid.

124
00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:45,180
Okay. What do you want?

125
00:07:45,389 --> 00:07:48,058
A motorized Razor scooter,
the new Dragon Ball Z game...

126
00:07:48,225 --> 00:07:51,687
...an iPod mini
and not to go to Grandma's.

127
00:07:52,604 --> 00:07:54,773
- I'll give you three out of four.
- Okay.

128
00:07:54,940 --> 00:07:57,109
Forget the iPod.

129
00:07:58,485 --> 00:08:03,198
- This is the worst day of my life.
- Come on.

130
00:08:03,407 --> 00:08:06,618
You're gonna eat your dinner,
watch some videos, play some games...

131
00:08:06,785 --> 00:08:10,455
...and you're gonna go to bed and
we'll pick you up tomorrow. Promise.

132
00:08:10,664 --> 00:08:13,709
Your word means nothing to me.

133
00:08:13,917 --> 00:08:16,003
Hey, give your dad a break.
So he lied.

134
00:08:16,211 --> 00:08:21,049
You don't get the virgin to the volcano
by telling her you're gonna push her in.

135
00:08:21,758 --> 00:08:24,511
- Can't we just go home?
- No. Now, enough of this.

136
00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:28,390
- I am the adult and you are the child.
- And this is the volcano.

137
00:08:28,599 --> 00:08:31,935
Now, you're gonna go in there
and you're gonna have a nice evening.

138
00:08:32,102 --> 00:08:34,521
- Do we understand each other?
- Yes.

139
00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:37,899
Thank you. Now, ring the bell.

140
00:08:45,115 --> 00:08:48,577
So exactly what time are you...? Hey!

141
00:08:56,835 --> 00:08:59,546
We've done a terrible thing.

142
00:09:00,422 --> 00:09:06,053
Yeah. If only there was a magical liquid
that could erase bad memories.

143
00:09:09,389 --> 00:09:11,475
I am absolutely racked with guilt.

144
00:09:11,642 --> 00:09:13,268
Alan, don't beat yourself up.

145
00:09:13,435 --> 00:09:18,774
You're a good dad who, in a moment
of weakness, betrayed his only son.

146
00:09:19,441 --> 00:09:21,276
Come on, he's not in any real danger.

147
00:09:21,485 --> 00:09:23,570
Not physically,
but you know as well I do...

148
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:28,283
...that Mom has the ability
to say things that stick with you.

149
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:31,828
Yeah, forever and ever.

150
00:09:31,995 --> 00:09:35,290
My favorite was, " They must have
mixed you up with another baby...

151
00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:38,794
...because I could never have given birth
to such a hateful child."

152
00:09:39,378 --> 00:09:42,089
Who writes that on
a fifth-grader's birthday card?

153
00:09:42,881 --> 00:09:45,926
How about, " It's no wonder
your father stays at work.

154
00:09:46,093 --> 00:09:48,720
If I could get out of here,
I would too."

155
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:53,100
Did I ever tell you about the time
I wrote my first jingle?

156
00:09:53,725 --> 00:09:57,604
Pepsi. I invited Mom over to watch
the prime-time network debut.

157
00:09:58,230 --> 00:10:02,067
For 30 seconds, 20 million people
were listening to my music.

158
00:10:02,234 --> 00:10:04,277
And at the end,
Mom turned to me and said:

159
00:10:04,444 --> 00:10:06,655
"You couldn't get Coke to hire you?"

160
00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:09,491
- Nice. But I can top it.
- Go.

161
00:10:09,658 --> 00:10:12,285
It's the day of my wedding.
She's sitting there crying.

162
00:10:12,452 --> 00:10:14,412
And I think it's because she's happy.

163
00:10:14,579 --> 00:10:17,541
Turns out it was because she was,
and I quote:

164
00:10:17,707 --> 00:10:22,087
"So relieved you finally found
someone who could love you."

165
00:10:24,673 --> 00:10:27,843
- We gotta go get Jake.
- You're right. Come on.

166
00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:29,845
Great game, ladies.

167
00:10:35,475 --> 00:10:36,810
- He'll be fine.
- Who?

168
00:10:36,977 --> 00:10:39,104
- Jake.
- Oh, yeah. He'll be fine.

169
00:10:39,312 --> 00:10:40,730
- Who?
- Jake.

170
00:10:40,897 --> 00:10:42,649
He'll be fine.

171
00:10:53,810 --> 00:10:55,478
I thought we'd eat Japanese-style.

172
00:10:56,187 --> 00:10:59,023
Good Lord, are you picking your nose?

173
00:10:59,232 --> 00:11:00,817
I had to. There was stuff in it.

174
00:11:01,025 --> 00:11:03,319
And where were you planning
to put it?

175
00:11:03,528 --> 00:11:06,322
I really didn't have a plan.

176
00:11:06,948 --> 00:11:09,534
Don't you dare wipe that
on my furniture.

177
00:11:09,742 --> 00:11:13,121
And not on your clothes either.

178
00:11:14,872 --> 00:11:18,209
- What are you doing now?
- Putting it back.

179
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:22,880
Here, just wipe your hands.

180
00:11:23,047 --> 00:11:26,009
- Why?
- Because we're going to eat dinner.

181
00:11:26,175 --> 00:11:28,803
And you've been rooting around
in your nostril.

182
00:11:29,012 --> 00:11:31,723
It's okay. I don't eat with my hands.
I use a fork.

183
00:11:32,140 --> 00:11:35,184
- Wipe your hands.
- Okay.

184
00:11:35,685 --> 00:11:37,562
Thank you.

185
00:11:38,062 --> 00:11:40,773
Has your mother or father
ever taken you out for sushi?

186
00:11:40,940 --> 00:11:42,775
No. I don't like raw fish.

187
00:11:42,942 --> 00:11:45,862
- Well, have you ever had it?
- No.

188
00:11:46,029 --> 00:11:47,697
How do you know you don't like it?

189
00:11:48,156 --> 00:11:50,491
It's an educated guess.

190
00:11:50,700 --> 00:11:53,536
Well, why don't you just try it.

191
00:11:53,703 --> 00:11:56,748
Let's start with the tuna, shall we?
There you go.

192
00:11:56,914 --> 00:11:58,374
That's not tuna.

193
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:00,209
Oh, yes, it is.

194
00:12:00,418 --> 00:12:02,628
I've had tuna.

195
00:12:03,838 --> 00:12:06,007
Jake, it's tuna.

196
00:12:06,174 --> 00:12:08,509
Now, why don't you just take
a little bite. Here.

197
00:12:09,052 --> 00:12:10,762
Dip it in the soy sauce first.

198
00:12:10,970 --> 00:12:13,473
There you go. Have a bite.

199
00:12:13,973 --> 00:12:16,642
You know, there's a girl at school,
Elizabeth Kurzner...

200
00:12:16,809 --> 00:12:19,479
...and her mom ate a bunch of sushi,
and it had worms.

201
00:12:19,645 --> 00:12:22,231
And they grew in her
and crawled out of her eyes.

202
00:12:23,441 --> 00:12:26,444
- Oh, no, they didn't.
- How do you know?

203
00:12:28,654 --> 00:12:32,867
- Just take a little bite.
- Okay.

204
00:12:35,953 --> 00:12:40,124
- Jake!
- It's gross. It tastes like worms.

205
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:42,710
Jake, stop spitting on my rug.

206
00:12:42,877 --> 00:12:45,713
- Where do you want me to spit?
- Don't spit at all.

207
00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,090
- I gotta get the taste out.
- Have some ginger.

208
00:12:49,967 --> 00:12:52,178
- No, Jake, that's wasabi.
- What?

209
00:12:52,345 --> 00:12:54,806
Are you trying to kill me?

210
00:12:55,014 --> 00:12:57,099
No, Jake, don't.
That's an expensive pillow.

211
00:12:57,266 --> 00:12:59,477
Let... Give me that!

212
00:13:05,691 --> 00:13:07,568
Okay, here.

213
00:13:09,153 --> 00:13:10,488
I've just gotta ask.

214
00:13:10,655 --> 00:13:15,284
Playing volleyball on the beach every day,
don't you worry about melanoma?

215
00:13:15,910 --> 00:13:18,287
Alan, walk with me.

216
00:13:18,871 --> 00:13:20,790
Be right back.

217
00:13:21,332 --> 00:13:23,793
- What?
- Listen closely:

218
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:28,965
No man has ever gotten into a woman's
pants chitchatting about skin cancer.

219
00:13:29,173 --> 00:13:31,467
You can't possibly know that.

220
00:13:33,344 --> 00:13:35,137
Nevertheless.

221
00:13:38,849 --> 00:13:42,562
Let's steer the conversation away
from tumors, okay?

222
00:13:42,770 --> 00:13:48,234
- Okay. So which one do you like?
- One?

223
00:13:50,736 --> 00:13:54,699
God, in his infinite wisdom, has given us
a big box of assorted chocolates...

224
00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:57,159
...and you're just gonna try one?

225
00:13:57,326 --> 00:14:01,455
So are you thinking, like, two?

226
00:14:01,664 --> 00:14:04,208
I was thinking, like, nine.

227
00:14:04,625 --> 00:14:07,086
- But we'll see what happens.
- You're not serious.

228
00:14:08,170 --> 00:14:09,547
His will be done.

229
00:14:12,633 --> 00:14:14,176
What else do we have to eat?

230
00:14:14,385 --> 00:14:17,638
You mean other than the $50 worth
of sushi in my carpet?

231
00:14:18,014 --> 00:14:19,682
Yeah.

232
00:14:22,643 --> 00:14:25,813
- I don't suppose you'd eat squab.
- No.

233
00:14:26,814 --> 00:14:28,858
- Do you even know what it is?
- No.

234
00:14:29,025 --> 00:14:33,154
But it sounds pretty creepy. "Squab."

235
00:14:33,362 --> 00:14:35,781
Well, what would you eat?

236
00:14:35,948 --> 00:14:39,201
Pretty much anything,
except sushi and squab.

237
00:14:39,368 --> 00:14:40,911
Squab, squab.

238
00:14:41,078 --> 00:14:43,247
Squab, squab, squab,
squab, squab, squab...

239
00:14:43,414 --> 00:14:46,000
- Stop it.
- Sorry.

240
00:14:46,917 --> 00:14:48,627
Squab.

241
00:14:52,340 --> 00:14:54,050
Would you eat spaghetti?

242
00:14:54,258 --> 00:14:56,135
- I love spaghetti.
- Great.

243
00:14:56,302 --> 00:14:58,971
Would you prefer vermicelli or linguine?

244
00:14:59,722 --> 00:15:01,557
Spaghetti.

245
00:15:02,725 --> 00:15:06,354
All right. What would you like on it?

246
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:11,359
Puttanesca, Bolognese, Milanese,
olive oil with truffles?

247
00:15:11,942 --> 00:15:13,861
How about squab?

248
00:15:15,738 --> 00:15:17,740
I'm just kidding. Ketchup.

249
00:15:18,449 --> 00:15:20,826
- Of course.
- And sliced-up hot dogs.

250
00:15:21,535 --> 00:15:24,830
Unbelievable.
My grandson is a hillbilly.

251
00:15:30,336 --> 00:15:34,298
You know, I'm thinking we should
move this party over to my place.

252
00:15:34,507 --> 00:15:36,550
But we've been playing
volleyball all day.

253
00:15:36,717 --> 00:15:38,260
We're all sweaty and sticky.

254
00:15:38,803 --> 00:15:41,764
<i>No problem.
Mi shower es su shower.</i>

255
00:15:42,431 --> 00:15:46,102
- What?
- I have a shower.

256
00:15:47,561 --> 00:15:50,773
- Good. You live alone?
- Pretty much.

257
00:15:50,940 --> 00:15:54,652
My brother stays with me and he's got
a kid, but he's at his grandmother's.

258
00:15:54,860 --> 00:15:56,987
Oh, that is so sweet.

259
00:15:57,196 --> 00:15:58,948
Yeah, well, we're sweet people.

260
00:16:00,241 --> 00:16:03,786
I was raised by my grandma.
I called her Nana.

261
00:16:04,495 --> 00:16:06,288
- Is that so?
- Yeah.

262
00:16:06,455 --> 00:16:09,708
I was raised by my grandma.
I called her Nana.

263
00:16:12,670 --> 00:16:15,881
Oh, yeah.
She was a big influence on me.

264
00:16:16,048 --> 00:16:19,051
She raised me. I called her Nana.

265
00:16:23,764 --> 00:16:27,059
Oh, Jake, what have we done to you?

266
00:16:28,185 --> 00:16:31,522
Dinner, such as it is, is served.

267
00:16:31,689 --> 00:16:35,192
Jake? Where are you?
Come into the dining room!

268
00:16:35,901 --> 00:16:38,070
Squab!

269
00:16:51,750 --> 00:16:55,004
Alan. Alan, I'm worried about the kid.

270
00:16:55,546 --> 00:16:57,423
What kid?

271
00:16:58,632 --> 00:17:01,760
Your kid. Our kid. I think we should
go to Mom's and get him.

272
00:17:01,927 --> 00:17:05,264
Oh, come on, he's fine.
And it's just for one night.

273
00:17:05,431 --> 00:17:09,059
Which, by the way, is rapidly becoming
one of the best nights of my life.

274
00:17:10,811 --> 00:17:14,189
And grind, and grind.
And step and step and turn.

275
00:17:14,356 --> 00:17:16,609
Alan. Alan, please.

276
00:17:16,817 --> 00:17:18,819
Hey, if you're worried,
why don't you call.

277
00:17:18,986 --> 00:17:22,781
And grind, and grind.
And grind and grind and grind.

278
00:17:22,990 --> 00:17:25,826
- What's her number?
- You don't have her on speed dial?

279
00:17:26,035 --> 00:17:29,705
Hey, if I can't eat it, bang it
or bet on it, it's not in my phone.

280
00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:33,959
It's ringing.

281
00:17:34,168 --> 00:17:38,589
And grind, and grind.
And I'm a lucky boy.

282
00:17:40,299 --> 00:17:41,717
Hello? Mom?

283
00:17:41,925 --> 00:17:44,136
I can't talk to you now, Charlie.

284
00:17:44,303 --> 00:17:47,598
Get that out of your mouth.
Are you an animal?

285
00:17:48,349 --> 00:17:51,143
Mom? Hello? Hello?

286
00:17:51,352 --> 00:17:55,856
And grind, and grind.
And step and step and...

287
00:17:58,609 --> 00:18:00,069
You don't understand, Charlie.

288
00:18:00,277 --> 00:18:04,406
It was a women's volleyball team
and I could've been the volleyball.

289
00:18:04,615 --> 00:18:08,285
- Get your priorities straight, will you?
- I've got my priorities straight.

290
00:18:08,494 --> 00:18:11,705
I've had a kid for 11 years,
but I've never had group sex.

291
00:18:12,414 --> 00:18:15,417
Alan, you didn't miss anything.
It's an overrated male fantasy.

292
00:18:15,626 --> 00:18:18,712
- Really?
- No, are you kidding?

293
00:18:24,843 --> 00:18:26,845
He'd better be scarred for life.

294
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:35,104
- Mom?
- Oh, hello, boys.

295
00:18:35,896 --> 00:18:37,898
What happened? Where's Jake?

296
00:18:38,107 --> 00:18:39,483
I sent him up to take a bath.

297
00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:41,902
He had hot dogs
and spaghetti in his hair.

298
00:18:43,278 --> 00:18:46,281
Why would he have hot dogs
and spaghetti in his hair?

299
00:18:46,490 --> 00:18:48,826
Because he wouldn't eat squab.

300
00:18:50,744 --> 00:18:52,621
Squab.

301
00:18:53,455 --> 00:18:56,834
- What are you guys doing here?
- We wanted to see how things were.

302
00:18:57,417 --> 00:19:00,129
- They're okay.
- See, he's fine.

303
00:19:00,295 --> 00:19:02,714
- Let's go back to the bar.
- And take me with you.

304
00:19:09,054 --> 00:19:11,390
- Jake?
- Yeah?

305
00:19:15,144 --> 00:19:17,646
Did you turn the water off
in the bathtub?

306
00:19:32,286 --> 00:19:34,538
- Say goodbye to Grandma.
- Goodbye, Grandma.

307
00:19:34,746 --> 00:19:36,290
Night, Mom.

308
00:19:42,679 --> 00:19:47,433
You realize that in one night,
he did what we couldn't do in a lifetime.

309
00:19:48,184 --> 00:19:50,144
He broke her.

310
00:19:50,687 --> 00:19:53,856
He chewed her up and spit her out.

311
00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:56,275
It was a beautiful thing.

312
00:19:57,026 --> 00:19:58,778
I'm gonna be truthful here, Alan.

313
00:19:58,945 --> 00:20:01,781
I always thought your kid
was a little bit of a simpleton.

314
00:20:03,241 --> 00:20:04,617
Me too.

315
00:20:04,826 --> 00:20:08,621
But clearly, he is the chosen one.

316
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:10,915
Hey, guys, check it out.

317
00:20:11,082 --> 00:20:12,208
Pull my finger.

318
00:20:12,375 --> 00:20:13,960
Okay.

319
00:20:17,296 --> 00:20:20,133
And they shall call him Jake.

320
00:20:46,826 --> 00:20:48,911
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

321
00:20:49,078 --> 00:20:51,164
[ENGLISH]